I Can't
by Life is Like a Novel
Summary: Alonso needs to hear that he's not just the rebound after Ianto's death, Jack can't bring himself to tell him though.


**Okay so I think I'm starting to like fics that take place during the time that Alonso is there. (Probably should be under Doctor Who, but sense it has Ianto in it, I'm putting it under Torchwood. So yeah…) Anyway, I hadn't even considered the fact that this could happen until **JonesIantoJones** (I believe that's who it was) brought it up in one of their fics. I do not want Alonso to be part of season four of Torchwood. I like him as an okay he's going to fool around with Jack for awhile character in an episode or two, but never nothing more and certainly not as a replacement for Ianto, whom I love dearly and really shouldn't have died. It made me sad…really sad. Bad Mr. Davies, bad!**

**So hope you enjoy the fic and don't be surprised if you see Alonso around again soon, but only as the sad, rebound character. Poor Alonso (coughGEORGEcough. I will never be able to truly see him as anything other than George from Being Human.) **

**Okay really on with the story now. Love you all oh so very dearly, Spike!**

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The only thing worse than getting out of a relationship with someone you love is continuing a relationship with someone who doesn't love you and never will be able to no matter how much he wants to, or how much you love him. That's exactly how Alonso felt. He was thrilled when the captain had talked to that night at the bar. Even more thrilled when the captain carried him off to his house and had his way with him for hours.

Lately though, he'd been noticing that the captain's touch didn't seem like it was for him anymore. Like his kisses meant nothing and his words even less. The young soldier was proven correct one night as the captain held him. "I love you, Ianto," Jack whispered, kissing the other man's neck.

Alonso pulled away. "Jack," he whispered, his eyes filled with pain. He loved the captain. Loved him with everything he had, every fiber of his being but the captain still wasn't over his old lover even though it had been nearly three years. "I'm not Ianto."

"I didn't say you were," Jack said pulling away to look at the man's face. Alonso felt tears sting his eyes as they threatened to spill over. "Alonso, what's wrong?"

"You don't even realize when you do it anymore. You don't realize that you're still in love with him."

"I'm not in love with Ianto. I've moved on. I love you," Jack said looking down at the sheets.

"I've put up with it for a while, Cap, years even. I let you keep pictures of the two of you around the house. I don't keep coffee in the house because you can't drink it or even smell it without thinking of him. Everything you do reminds of you Ianto but he's not here anymore, Cap. I am now. So look me in the eyes and tell me that you're done with Ianto and you love _me._ I can't take this anymore Jack. You do this or I can't do us anymore."

"I can't Al, I'm still in love with him. I waited for over a hundred years for the person of my dreams, soul mate if you wish, and Ianto was mine. I couldn't save him. It was my fault he's dead. I didn't keep him out of the office and the gas from the 456 killed him. He died in my arms. I held him and watched the life leave him. I'm not ready to forget that and give up all of that love," Jack told him, tears falling freely down his face.

Alonso wiped the tears off of his cheek with his thumb, "Alright, tell me this then, tell me I'm not the rebound."

"You're not," Jack told him.

"Look me eyes, Cap."

"I can't," he whimpered a few moments later.

"That's what I thought," Alonso sighed.

"I'm sorry, Al. I'm so so sorry Alonso."

"You can't help who you love right. I can't make you love me if you don't."

"I want to though. I really want to," Jack assured him.

"I know Jack, and that's why I've got to go."

"I'm sorry Alonso."

"It's okay. It would have ended at one point anyway, you're immortal. It's better now when I'm not too much in love with you then later when I'm completely gone."

Jack nodded. "I'll give you a ride home."

"It's fine. I'll call a cab."

"Goodbye, Alonso," Jack said kissing him quickly once.

"Goodbye Jack," he said crawling out of bed and pulling on his coat.

"Al, if you're even in trouble with aliens, or humans for that matter as well, just call, I promise I'll come."

"Thanks, Cap," Alonso nodded before walking out of the bedroom door. Jack waited until he heard the front door open and then close before grabbing a snapshot of himself and Ianto from the bed side table and brushing his fingers over the face of his former lover. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you Ianto. I'm so so sorry, Caraid," he cried softly.

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**Okay so, I think I like this one but I'm not entirely sure yet. How about you guys? Love it, hate it?**

**Love, Spike. **


End file.
